You Can Love Medicine—and Still Feel Misaligned
I Was Just Punching the Clock—Until I Realized I Wasn’t Meant to Be Replaceable
There was a stretch of time—months, maybe even years—where every day felt like déjà vu.
Wake up. Get dressed. Show up. Do the job.
Go home. Collapse. Repeat.
And on the outside? I was doing everything right.
Board-certified. Respected. Trusted. “Thriving.”
But on the inside?
I felt empty.
Not in crisis. Not in chaos. Just… unlit. Like the spark had left the room.
At first, I thought I was just tired. But no matter how many vacations I planned, how many weekends I cleared, the feeling came back the second I walked into work:
“I’m not supposed to be here like this.”
You Can Love Medicine—and Still Feel Misaligned
This is something no one prepares you for:
That you can work your whole life for something… and still feel like something’s missing once you get there.
I loved being a surgeon. I still do.
But there was a point where I realized I was moving through the motions of a life I had outgrown.
I didn’t want to quit.
I just wanted to feel connected again.
To myself. To my WHY. To the reason I started this in the first place.
Burnout Isn’t Always Exhaustion—Sometimes It’s Lack of Meaning
I didn’t feel overwhelmed. I felt replaceable.
Like I could vanish for a week and no one would notice.
Like I was fulfilling a role, not living a calling.
Like I was just… checking boxes.
“Another consult. Another procedure. Another signature on a discharge summary.”
There was no joy. No creativity. No sense of being wanted—only used.
And for a while, I blamed myself.
“Maybe I’m ungrateful.”
“Maybe I’m just not cut out for this anymore.”
“Maybe this is just what life is now.”
But then I realized…
It wasn’t that I didn’t love my work. It’s that I didn’t love who I became inside it.
Success Without Fulfillment Is Just a Beautiful Cage
When your identity is built around achievement, it’s easy to ignore the still, quiet voice that asks:
“But are you happy?”
“But do you feel seen?”
“But are you actually living your life—or just managing it?”
These questions haunted me for a while. Because the truth was:
✔️ I had the credentials
✔️ I had the trust of my peers
✔️ I had the job title
But I had lost me.
So What Does It Actually Mean to Feel Fulfilled?
Not to be busy.
Not to be praised.
Not to be productive.
But to feel alive.
To feel like your presence matters.
To feel connected to something bigger than the EMR system and the procedural checklist.
I had to relearn how to listen to my soul—not just my schedule.
Here’s what helped me reconnect:
✅ I stopped asking “What should I be doing?” and started asking “What lights me up?”
✅ I reflected on the version of me before burnout—what she dreamed of, what she loved
✅ I allowed myself to want something different—even if it made others uncomfortable
✅ I gave myself permission to evolve
✅ I began imagining a life that didn’t just look good—but felt good too
And little by little, the light came back on.
You Weren’t Born to Be a Machine—You Were Meant to Be Lit Up
If you’ve been going through the motions…
If you’ve built a successful life but secretly wonder, “Is this it?”
If part of you misses the fire, the creativity, the deeper calling…
You’re not broken.
You’re waking up.
And no, you don’t have to throw it all away.
But you do have to stop settling for a version of life that keeps you numb.
